I have learned a lot from the past events in my life. These events challenge my ability to decide and go towards the right direction, and I can declare to the world that I am a strong and better person. I got married at the age of 18, because I got pregnant of my first child.
Before I became a mother, I took most aspects of my personality for granted. With the advent of motherhood, however, I have to reexamine a usually silent part of my personality the way I form relationships and I will be moved to ask many questions about the kind of person I am. There may be much for me to wonder about, to rethink, and possibly to change. Changing is generally easier if I allow myself some time to reflect. In this case, I may find myself thinking about what I am like in my relationships, and how that carries over to the way I want to be with my baby.
Along with the concrete need to ensure my baby’s survival, as a new mother I faced with the equally awesome responsibility of developing an intimate, loving relationship with this new human being. Unlike the intimate relationships I have with parents, siblings, my lover, or my best friend, this one is unusual because it is based on interaction with someone who can’t communicate in words. I ask myself what is my basic understanding has been of what it means to relate to someone else. For this new relationship, I will have to draw upon my lifelong understanding of intimacy. Unexpectedly intense, relating to my baby will call into action and into question all my talents for loving, sharing, relating, giving, and receiving. Motherhood mindset is not born at the moment the baby gives its first cry. The birth of a mother does not take place in one dramatic, defining moment, but gradually emerges from the cumulative work of the many months that precede and follow the actual birth of the baby. What produces this motherhood mindset? How is it unique to each woman, yet shared by all mothers? What phases does it pass through? And how can I identify the passages of this remarkable new inner realm and learn to navigate its waters? We start at the beginning: Who exactly is a mother, and is she inherently different from other women? It may sound like a simple question, but in fact it strikes at the most basic assumptions held by the psychological and therapeutic communities
As a new mother I develop my own style of relating to and regulating my infant’s experience. It is part of who I am, and my personal style will remain fairly consistent, whether I am playing with my baby, feeding her, talking to her, or setting limits. The power of this interaction lies in the fact that when I deal with my baby, I simultaneously forced to confront important aspects of who am I really are. I can experience this as either an opportunity or a disappointment, but there is no doubt that it will be revealing. Being a mother made me a complete person. My world revolves around my baby, every single day we have memorable and fun memories together.
I continued to being the best parent that I can be. My efforts also include the father of my babies and the grandmothers and other family members as appropriate. Most importantly, my efforts continued to be based on the needs of the people we serve. I was not only adjusting on being a mother, I am also adjusting on being a wife. That teenage marriages are less stable than marriages of older persons is a truism. The marital instability at these ages is largely problematic only if children are involved. A disrupted marriage interferes with the usual socialization and maintenance functions which the family is expected to perform for society. Someone must feed and educate the children, and when a marriage dissolves, this may become more difficult. The presence of our children also helps to precipitate a marital dissolution. Then we had our second child. However, my husband died at the age of 28. Being a single parent and a widower is very hard, but it did not stop me to work harder. I raised my children and gave them the best especially when their dad passed away. I need to work harder for them.
I was a full time mom, but I come to a decision that I should go back to school so I could get more career options with a degree. I enrolled at the nearby University. I am a full time student. I was scared I’d have to re-teach myself all the things I left during high school, and that I would have trouble adapting with my fellow students because I’m older, however so far so good. I get a lot done after the kids’ bedtime and sometimes before they get up in the morning. It can be tough balancing everything, but I know I’ll be happy with the end result. I just have to keep in mind that it’s worth it to be tired so that I’ll be able to tell my kids how important college is, because I went myself. I’m having so much fun learning new things and meeting other people with the same interests. I think we all need to get away sometimes, and this is really an outlet for me.
If my kids wonder why I’m not there for them when I’m at school. As they get older, I’ll explain that I’m not only bettering myself but helping them in the long run. I hope they’ll respect me for that. Since I’m always switching back and forth between mom and student, I’ve learned to study as close to class time as possible. When I started, I was working too far in advance, which was counterproductive. Now I’ve got a good excuse to procrastinate!
Credit:ivythesis.typepad.com
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