Male Perceptions of Domestic Violence and Its Relationships with Cultural Background


Priest Response


First Priest


1)    Could you tell me about the kinds of domestic problems people bring to you?


During my entire experience as a priest, I sort some of domestic problems such as issues that are related to parents (pressure mainly), marriage, that focuses on the lack of common interests, growing apart and other issues as well as strong arguments between brothers or sisters or known as the siblings rivalry.


2)    If domestic violence not mentioned, do any of these problems ever involved domestic violence?


During these past few years, I haven’t dealt with any domestic violence, but when I did, there were few cases that focus on the issues about husbands that are abusing their wives as well as few dads that are abusing their children.


3)    Who are the people (not names but characteristics)?


Well, based on my encounter and experience, I can say that the cultural groups that are involved in the said domestic violence are adults in the age group of 35 to 45 and children between 10 and 15. In addition to that, I also observed that the common victim of domestic violence are women, thus men are the common offender or criminal. I believe that this is due to the fact that although we are already in the modern times, there are still some remaining gender discrimination, where in men believes that their gender is the superior one. As a result, in terms of marital status adults who are already married are the typical victim of the said situation, together with their children. However, as of now, there are also some cases where in those unmarried one are involved in domestic violence.


In addition, in terms of ethnic background people from Australia, South Africa, Greek and Serbia are considered as prone or show high rate of domestic violence. This can be affected by different social and traditional aspects that affect the mentality of people towards the issue.


Above all, I also observe that most of the victims or entities who are involved in domestic violence are from Anglican, agnostic as well as Orthodox or Greek and Serbian. This shows that the religion has a great impact or influence towards the mentality and knowledge of each and every individual particularly women towards their rights. In addition, I can also say that there are some laws and policies of different religion that can help to increase the number of domestic violence.


In the end, I do believe that domestic violence have no nationality or borders. It could happen in any culture no matter what religion or ethnic background.


4)    What do you advice? What can you do?


Try to listen without judgment. Adults have to make their own decisions about the best course of action. Sometimes they need to be helped to get to a counselor. Children might need an intervention (government agency), and I have testified in court once on behalf of a child being abused. 


 


Second Priest


1)    Could you tell me about the kinds of domestic problems people bring to you?


The most common domestic violence issues and cases that I encountered are mainly between the couple or the husband and wife. Some of the cases show issues that have risen due to jealousy and lack of trust. Women are complaining that they husband attacked them physically and verbally because they are being accused of seeing another guy without any strong evidence. On the other hand, women are coming to me and telling me that they have found some suspicious e-mails, SMS, MMS. As a result, women will confront their husband and a huge and heated discussion will follow that sometimes lead to physical as well as emotional violence.


On the other hand, relationship between the parents and the children are also one of my most encountered cases. Commonly, this happens when the father or the mother are alcoholics or into drugs. There are some cases that shows that when their father or mother are high in drugs or drunk, they are more likely to be violent, and chances are, they can experience different brutal and cruel treatment from their parents. There are some cases where in the parents are letting their children to work for their living, and when they went home with no money, they will receive aggressive treatment.


Above all, most of the cases that pertain on parents and children violence focus on the relationship of stepfather or stepmother towards his or her stepson or stepdaughter. This lead to another important aspect of domestic violence where in children has experienced sexual abuse from their parents or guardian.


2)    If domestic violence not mentioned, do any of these problems ever involved domestic violence?


I have already mentioned that there are still cases of domestic violence that I have encountered during my entire position as a priest. However, it is important to consider that there are some cases where in the offender does not use any physical contact or hurt the victim physically. As of now, it is important to consider the negative impact of emotional violence where in women and children are considered as the primary victim. This can affect their entire being that will reflect in their social behavior.


3)    Who are the people (not names but characteristics)?


Based on my experience, people, primarily women and children from low income family or lower social status have reported majority of the domestic violence that I have encountered. This maybe due to lack of financial as well as economic support that will help them to leave at peace without worrying about what to spend for their daily living. Commonly, women from this family are reported being maltreated by their husband due to alcohol and drug usage. On the other hand, children are being forced to work in order to sustain their daily living. Aside from that, they are not experiencing formal education.


            Furthermore women and children from different rural areas are also common victim of domestic violence due to lack of knowledge regarding their rights. In addition, some of the men are still living in the past tradition, where in men and women are not equal in terms of social status.


            Education also plays an important role, most of women are do not have educational background are more prone to any domestic violence and abuse compare to educated one. Thus, as a result, the children of those women will be affected too. In addition, this also happen when men are powerful or in a strong position in the society.


4)    What do you advice? What can you do?


Information dissemination can be the most powerful action that can be done in order to lessen and later on prevent domestic violence. This can be done by informing the women regarding their rights as well as their responsibilities in order to prevent future domestic violence towards their home. In addition, it is important to let them know that there is someone, in place of individual and organization that can help them if they are experiencing the said violence. Thus, it is important for them to know that domestic violence is not something that must be hidden due to their fear of dishonor and humiliation. There are also some cases where in women thinks that to conceal and cover it will be much better than have a broken family, that will affect the social, behavioral, mental as well as financial aspect of their children. Letting the children see the aggressive and cruel behavior of any member of the family can affect their emotional and behavioral aspect that can lead to different mental problems in the future.


This can be done by implementing different policies and programs that will enable to connect and communicate with women in different places.


 


 


Imam Response


First Imam


1)    Could you tell me about the kinds of domestic problems people bring to you?


Most of the problem happened between spouses or other half in regard to their honor. For instance, women find a picture of other woman in the wallet of their husbands, doubtful phone calls and other reason for the wife to doubt. I can say that most of the domestic violence starts with a very simple problem but due to the fact that the spouses did not allow some time for each other to explain their side regarding the issue, physical reaction will take place.


            Domestic violence varies from severity and cruelty such as beating and slapping on the face, pulling the hair, tearing the clothes, even to limit of slamming the doors and locking doors of the room in order to lock up the victim.


            Interestingly and somewhat funny, but happening in real life, there were times where in husband complains that their wives are treating them with violent acts. For instance, one day, a husband stated that his wife bite him in his hands or arms. Other also said that their wives are always screaming loudly that make him ashamed and embarrassed with his neighbors.


2)    If domestic violence not mentioned, do any of these problems ever involved domestic violence?


I have already mentioned and talked about the domestic in previous question, but in addition, I am always saying to the people that there is no justification for violence, particularly inside the family, because according to an adage, there’s no such place as home. Thus, it is important for each and every family member, from the father, the mother and all the children to feel safe and secure inside their homes and this can only be achieved by harmonious relationship of each and every family member. Thus it is also important to consider that every decision-making process, the issue about feeling safe from harm of each and every family member is important, together with the improvement of their personal relationships. Thus, in the end, I can say that communication is the most important aspect.


3)    Who are the people (not names but characteristics)?


During my ten years of experience as an Imam, I would say that domestic violence across all cultural groups, genders, ages, religions and other important groups. And the said statement can be supported by different statistics of different countries and places. Most of the cases that I have received are from married people in the early stages of their marriage, this is due to the fact that they do not understand each other that much yet. In addition to that, most of the complainants are women or females, and their husbands are at their early twenties.


On the other hand, the said problem can also be observed during the older ages when spouses or couple has entered the fourth decades or 40 to 46 of their ages. This is due to the fact that women are being threatened with other younger women or succeeding wives that are being linked to their husbands, in addition to that, they are also somewhat insecure due to the fact that they have already aged, and commonly, they focuses on the physical changes such as wrinkles and other flaws. On the other hand, men are commonly prone to falling out of love or boredom to their current romantic relationship with their wives. Generally, violence comes from spouses who have a so called dry romantic life, couples from double-income families, couple from different educational level as well as not practicing Muslims.


4)    What do you advice? What can you do?


From my experience, it seems that most of the problems happened in broken or separated families where each and every family member fight for his or her rights and no one fight for my rights and duties. In most of the cases, I also blame media for encouraging domestic violence; this is due to the fact that there are different TV programs, films and other related media that teaches the children to be violent from their early ages. If children are rise in this way, there is a big chance that when they have reached their puberty and adulthood, the behavior will reflected and observed when they enter their married lives.


That’s why it is important for the government to take different actions such as offering free consultation for both males and females of different ages in order to provide training programs as well as TV programs that will focus and promote the said issue.


            Furthermore, having balance life, time and attention for the work and family can help, specifically to those mothers who are working and at the same time handle the burden of different duties in their houses and taking care of the children.


            Having a peaceful family life is considered as the core principle in raising future leaders, thus it is somewhat ironic to know that children are still the main victims of violence that happens inside their homes. Men, particularly, must remember that their wives must be treated gently and must have a strong control over their emotion. Above all, men must recognize that their roles in the house are very vital in minimizing domestic violence.


Second Imam


1)    Could you tell me about the kinds of domestic problems people bring to you?


As we all know, Muslim tradition is somewhat different from the rest, thus, there are different issues that connects Muslim to domestic violence. In my experience, I can say that emotional and mental abuse is the common domestic violence in most of Muslim homes. It include verbal threats to divorce the wife, to remarry and even to take the kids away, if the wife would not do exactly as she was told. It also includes intimidation, threats of harm, degradation, humiliation, insults, ridicule, name-calling as well as criticism. There are also some cases, where in women are reporting that their husbands are throwing them false accusation that pertain on their loyalty and blame them about everything. More importantly, there are cases where in women are victim of their husband who are twisting the Islamic teachings in order to make them feel worthless due to the fact that they are women that will follow in restricting them to access transportation, health care, food, clothing, money, friends and even social services.


There are also some cases where in women are being physically and socially isolated due to extreme jealousy and possessiveness. Above all, one time, a woman came to me and told me that her husband have been lying and breaking promises that causes to break her trust, this focuses on the promise that the husband will never remarry.


Aside from emotional abuse, there are also cases of physical abuses that lead to pushing, shoving, slapping, choking, beating, kicking and even assault with weapon and tying up. I also encountered a case here in a woman told me that her husband refuses to help her when she was sick.


The most alarming cases focuses on sexual abuse that focuses on forced and violent sex.


2)    If domestic violence not mentioned, do any of these problems ever involved domestic violence?


All of the cases that have mentioned are related to domestic violence and it focuses primarily on women.


3)    Who are the people (not names but characteristics)?


It is sad that even though we are living in modern world with different modern infrastructures and technologies, there are still different cases of domestic violence that are hidden to the society due to the impact of culture as well as religion.


Based on my encounter towards family problems of Muslim people, I can say that there are not definite group of people that can or cannot experience domestic violence. I can say that it can happen to both male and female, children and adults, high and low position in the society and even the education attainment.


But based on my observation, I can say that most of the problem starts from insecurity from both the couple. In terms of women, most of them are somewhat insecure about the new wife of their husband, particularly if the new wives are younger and more attractive than them. On the other hand, men are insecure towards their wife, if in terms of social status or career, they are being out stage by their wives.


Aside from that, due to cultural reasons, some of the Muslim men accept that idea that it is normal for them to his their wives and those women are just no more than piece of their property.


It is also important to consider that abusers are often part of a cycle, where in they have picked the habit of hurting their wives from watching their own father abusing their mother. This shows that the parents have a huge influence towards the future behavior of their children.


4)    What do you advice? What can you do?


As an Imam, it will be important to listen to the community, thus it is important for me to be more accessible to the women, so that we can talk and discuss issues regarding domestic violence in direct manner. In addition, it will be important for me as well as the other member of the community to learn more about the problem. This will help each and every one of us to become proactive on the different future huge and hazardous individual behavioral and emotional problems that can cause problem to the entire society such as murdered and other crime. Thus it will be important to approach the domestic violence as an important social problem.


It can also help to know the different services that are available that can help to know what to do in when case of domestic violence is encountered.


 



Credit:ivythesis.typepad.com


0 comments:

Post a Comment

 
Top